For telling a story there must be an end and a beginning. What if there is none of these, just a random incident. Well, about the story of darkness I will obviously going to tell about those days of my life which I spent hidden, where- underneath my skin of course. Let just tell the story without mentioning time, place or anything specific!
Still I feel shiver horror when I remember those days. It’s made me perplexed. May be it could be avoided, or maybe not. I knew it could happened, well obviously not that much but quiet bit of it, but my curious nature made it more obvious. After listen the story everyone would say that it was started after my break up with my ex-boyfriend, but I would rather say it’s started before our relation. As I knew him earlier my sixth sense has tried to aware me that if I get involve with him then something bad would happened. But I thought what if something else could happen! Once someone said that in love we all think about ‘what if’. So it happened.
I involved with him and after a while he has started spoiling my life, ruining my happiness..As I shared all my secrets with him, my fear, happiness, weakness and strength, so he started using all those against me. In a relation there is always one person love more, suffer more. And in my case it was me. So I started to try doing things for him, making him happy, fulfilling his desires; but soon enough I realized how self centered he is! All those trial were never matter to him, he tried to find the lacking and keep pushing me. So after several months of up-down I was done when he mentioned that I am not a good girlfriend and I am not the one he was looking for! I could have asked then why he proposed me but I didn’t. I just simply told him to find the one he desired and I stop every type of communication with him as everyone does. But then start my true sufferings..
He has started to spread rumors about me and later I found out that he also took help from other boys who had issues with me and for that it was so easy for him. He tried to reach my close friend to argue about the matters.
And as usual I had started suffering for depression. Soon enough while I started to face lots of viral phone calls I realized the facts and I shut down my old no. And also shut down me. As for the rumors and phone calls I has started treated me as a bad person, who did mistakes though I didn’t find any. And soon after I started hating myself as everyone was questioning me and pointing at me. Believe me when I got phone calls like call-girls do I started hate my body, and even later my skin. I felt like my body is my barrier, boundary. And as the depression gets deeper I was become numb and silent. It was causing me pain like my whole body aching, I could feel it through my vein. I was started thinking about suicide, how to commit suicide fruitfully.
Then one day I have decide that I am done, I need to die. Trust me that was the most remarkable day of my life! I knew that it would be better if I could manage a sharp knife but as I could not do that so I took a sharp blade and went to bathroom. I also locked my room. But before doing anything I thought that I should think about it for one last time. So for one last time I have started arguing with me, to listen to my true inner voice. But instead of two I have heard several voices inside me. And a fear started to increase inside me, fear for the power of my self-destructiveness. And I took the decision that I must try for one last time.
As a girl of middle class family I could not share all these with my family, my parents. I mostly deal with all these alone with help from some of my friends. And as I had the opportunity in my department so I did a study on this issue ‘sexual scandal’ and other relating facts. I have decided that I need to find and help others who are suffering from same problems. And as I have decided to try one last time, I have search for something to try again and I found out that I could motivate one girl to move out of all these crap and start a new beginning. And that one gilr, spending time with her, talking about same issues helped me a lot. I think we are reciprocally thankful to each other.
Here I wrote a brief story and describe everything so shortly because remembering those days is not easy for me and cause me pain, still now. But I want to share these motivations that never give up! Even when you might think that you can’t bear it alone any longer and does it anymore take a deep breath, keep every thing behind and try for one last time with all of yourself. We all are born unique, we all are original!
Written by: Zobayda Fatema